Went out to dinner with the kid the other night and ended up eating by myself.
K-Man was nowhere near our table. Instead, he was hanging out at the next table over – trying to make some kind of move on the 30-year-old elementary school teacher sitting next to us. When a plate of fries came to her and her boyfriend – K-Man took one. It was tremendously embarrassing in a way, but alternatively kinda funny. It was perhaps the pinnacle of K-Man’s early career as a major flirt.
Ever since K-Man could stand, he would thrust his arms in the air and say, “Up, up!” Nothing special there. Many a kid has wanted to be picked up and/or carried. (And, my all time favorite is when kids ask for, “Carry you.” This is because adults always ask them, “Do you want me to carry you?” Smart little guys.) Hell, I’m 40 and would be happy being carried around. (Shame I didn’t marry Lisa Leslie. She probably could carry me.)
The thing about K-Man, however, is that he didn’t just ask anyone for “Up, up” or “Carry you,” he was very selective in his picks. First, he usually would only ask women. And, bless the kid, he almost always asked cute women. (Don’t get all up in my face about making assumptions about what or who is cute. Beauty is on the inside. Right. I get that. Doesn’t matter for the purposes of this blog.) Frankly, he still asks the cutest women in the room for a lift.
So, it was no surprise that as soon as we sat down at the restaurant, K-Man went straight to his A-game. His first move was the subtle, somewhat shy, “Hi.” This usually opens a conversation about his age, his name and his amazingly wild, unruly, curly blonde hair. Once K-Man feels as though he has appropriately broken the ice – it’s on.
For the elementary school teacher, he used some of his best stuff. He dropped to the booth bench (which both he and the teacher were sharing) and went to “the swimmer.” This move, which he perfected in the bathtub, is executed with K-Man sliding back and forth on his stomach. He started with his feet toward the teacher and each “stroke” brought him closer and closer until his Crocs made contact with her jeans. Now he was feeling confident.
He flipped around and kept “swimming.” This time, though, his head ended up on her thigh. He jumped back up with another sly, “Hello,” told her he liked fire trucks (always a solid pickup line) and tried to seal the deal with his impression of a siren. Needless to say, the teacher was swooning by now and her boyfriend was ready to take K-Man outside and challenge him to a duel in the alley.
Obviously, there were profuse apologies throughout this encounter. She said she didn’t mind and actually seemed to be enjoying the attention (her boyfriend better shape up, I guess). She didn’t even seem phased when K-Man took her purse and tried to rifle through it. It wasn’t the purse that fascinated him so much, though, as the clasp. K-Man loves a good clasp. He still wasn’t done.
Though he doesn’t yet know to ask for a phone number, he would have been able to get it when he started dancing. Just cut right into a little jig on the bench. The teacher went nuts. Nice work K-Man.
Last week in a park, K-Man approached two girls who were slightly older and boldly said, “Hi, I’m Kolby.” Don’t know where he gets this. It’s certainly not from me. I was never the approach-and-introduce guy. So, I feel pretty proud of the little man. He’s clearly not going to be any kind of wallflower, which is one less thing to worry about.
Still, though, we bought the teacher and her boyfriend a round of drinks as we left the place. It wasn’t the first time he’s flirted, but it may very well have been the first drinks he’s ever bought for anyone. (I overruled his desire to get her a sippy cup of milk.)
K-Man was nowhere near our table. Instead, he was hanging out at the next table over – trying to make some kind of move on the 30-year-old elementary school teacher sitting next to us. When a plate of fries came to her and her boyfriend – K-Man took one. It was tremendously embarrassing in a way, but alternatively kinda funny. It was perhaps the pinnacle of K-Man’s early career as a major flirt.
Ever since K-Man could stand, he would thrust his arms in the air and say, “Up, up!” Nothing special there. Many a kid has wanted to be picked up and/or carried. (And, my all time favorite is when kids ask for, “Carry you.” This is because adults always ask them, “Do you want me to carry you?” Smart little guys.) Hell, I’m 40 and would be happy being carried around. (Shame I didn’t marry Lisa Leslie. She probably could carry me.)
The thing about K-Man, however, is that he didn’t just ask anyone for “Up, up” or “Carry you,” he was very selective in his picks. First, he usually would only ask women. And, bless the kid, he almost always asked cute women. (Don’t get all up in my face about making assumptions about what or who is cute. Beauty is on the inside. Right. I get that. Doesn’t matter for the purposes of this blog.) Frankly, he still asks the cutest women in the room for a lift.
So, it was no surprise that as soon as we sat down at the restaurant, K-Man went straight to his A-game. His first move was the subtle, somewhat shy, “Hi.” This usually opens a conversation about his age, his name and his amazingly wild, unruly, curly blonde hair. Once K-Man feels as though he has appropriately broken the ice – it’s on.
For the elementary school teacher, he used some of his best stuff. He dropped to the booth bench (which both he and the teacher were sharing) and went to “the swimmer.” This move, which he perfected in the bathtub, is executed with K-Man sliding back and forth on his stomach. He started with his feet toward the teacher and each “stroke” brought him closer and closer until his Crocs made contact with her jeans. Now he was feeling confident.
He flipped around and kept “swimming.” This time, though, his head ended up on her thigh. He jumped back up with another sly, “Hello,” told her he liked fire trucks (always a solid pickup line) and tried to seal the deal with his impression of a siren. Needless to say, the teacher was swooning by now and her boyfriend was ready to take K-Man outside and challenge him to a duel in the alley.
Obviously, there were profuse apologies throughout this encounter. She said she didn’t mind and actually seemed to be enjoying the attention (her boyfriend better shape up, I guess). She didn’t even seem phased when K-Man took her purse and tried to rifle through it. It wasn’t the purse that fascinated him so much, though, as the clasp. K-Man loves a good clasp. He still wasn’t done.
Though he doesn’t yet know to ask for a phone number, he would have been able to get it when he started dancing. Just cut right into a little jig on the bench. The teacher went nuts. Nice work K-Man.
Last week in a park, K-Man approached two girls who were slightly older and boldly said, “Hi, I’m Kolby.” Don’t know where he gets this. It’s certainly not from me. I was never the approach-and-introduce guy. So, I feel pretty proud of the little man. He’s clearly not going to be any kind of wallflower, which is one less thing to worry about.
Still, though, we bought the teacher and her boyfriend a round of drinks as we left the place. It wasn’t the first time he’s flirted, but it may very well have been the first drinks he’s ever bought for anyone. (I overruled his desire to get her a sippy cup of milk.)
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