As I continue to ponder my father-in-law’s passing (a serious game of introspection, which will likely start to subside now that the Jewish tradition of sitting Shiva is officially over), I am forced to take a very hard look at myself, and especially the reasons that he and I were recently estranged. In doing so, however, I was surprised to also discover that many of my thoughts wandered to K-Man.
Like I said, having so many people around to offer their support and love (and food!) during such a difficult time was inspiring, helpful and hopeful. But, there were some who were unable to look me in the eye. They knew about the situation with my father-in-law, and instead of offering me similar support, they had made the decision to judge me, convict me and hang me…without so much as a conversation. In a way, it’s still yet another lesson that is being taught by Felix: Who are we to judge?
As K-Man gets older and has more of a capacity to actually interact and engage in conversation, I give a great deal of thought to the kinds of things I want to teach him. I think about those moments – years from now – when he will be talking to his friends, his wife or even his own kids and recounting these lessons: “You know, my dad used to tell me this, that and the other…” We’re always talking about doing what he loves, chasing his dreams and all that stuff (which, yes, is WAY beyond his capacity to comprehend), but after these last couple of weeks, I realize there’s much, much more.
It’s only June (though in hindsight that could easily be, “I can’t believe it’s already effing June!) – so New Year’s Resolutions are long forgotten and the déjà vu of future personal promises are still months away. But, screw the need for December 31 to become a better person (if that’s what losing weight, taking care of your finances and finding a new job are really all about). I want us all to stop our incessant need to judge everyone else around us. K-Man can chase his dreams and I’ll do whatever I can to make sure they come true, but he’ll achieve his goals without the need to crush others along the way.
I’m not innocent, by any means. I’ve been known to be just as judgmental as those who now seem to gain glory by throwing me under the bus. Hell, I’ve been just as judgmental OF some of those same people. In fact, I’ve been judgmental of their judgments, which is perhaps the biggest irony: “How dare she say that about me, she’s just a (not appropriate for a family blog)!”
Thanks to these last couple of weeks, however, I can honestly say, perhaps for the first time in my life, that I think I finally have true perspective. It’s a serious waste of time and of effort to give one minute of thought to the fact that other people don’t have enough interesting things in their lives to discuss. Let them rip me up one side and down the other. The fact is, I’ve become quite comfortable in my own skin and, more importantly, am becoming more comfortable inside my own head. I don’t need to shred anyone to make me feel better about myself. I can only worry about me and my own actions. And, along the way, make sure that my family is also taken care of.
Some dude felt the need to absolutely rip my book in an Amazon review. I was kind of pissed at first and I was all set to rip him right back – in a most overblown way. But, after reading his review three, four, 100 times, I realized that he hadn’t even read the book. Not only that – he completely misinterpreted the blog I wrote about G’s dad. I also looked at his other reviews – he rips everything. Dude has far bigger problems than I do. I wish him luck.
After all…who am I to judge? Take that with you, K-Man.
Like I said, having so many people around to offer their support and love (and food!) during such a difficult time was inspiring, helpful and hopeful. But, there were some who were unable to look me in the eye. They knew about the situation with my father-in-law, and instead of offering me similar support, they had made the decision to judge me, convict me and hang me…without so much as a conversation. In a way, it’s still yet another lesson that is being taught by Felix: Who are we to judge?
As K-Man gets older and has more of a capacity to actually interact and engage in conversation, I give a great deal of thought to the kinds of things I want to teach him. I think about those moments – years from now – when he will be talking to his friends, his wife or even his own kids and recounting these lessons: “You know, my dad used to tell me this, that and the other…” We’re always talking about doing what he loves, chasing his dreams and all that stuff (which, yes, is WAY beyond his capacity to comprehend), but after these last couple of weeks, I realize there’s much, much more.
It’s only June (though in hindsight that could easily be, “I can’t believe it’s already effing June!) – so New Year’s Resolutions are long forgotten and the déjà vu of future personal promises are still months away. But, screw the need for December 31 to become a better person (if that’s what losing weight, taking care of your finances and finding a new job are really all about). I want us all to stop our incessant need to judge everyone else around us. K-Man can chase his dreams and I’ll do whatever I can to make sure they come true, but he’ll achieve his goals without the need to crush others along the way.
I’m not innocent, by any means. I’ve been known to be just as judgmental as those who now seem to gain glory by throwing me under the bus. Hell, I’ve been just as judgmental OF some of those same people. In fact, I’ve been judgmental of their judgments, which is perhaps the biggest irony: “How dare she say that about me, she’s just a (not appropriate for a family blog)!”
Thanks to these last couple of weeks, however, I can honestly say, perhaps for the first time in my life, that I think I finally have true perspective. It’s a serious waste of time and of effort to give one minute of thought to the fact that other people don’t have enough interesting things in their lives to discuss. Let them rip me up one side and down the other. The fact is, I’ve become quite comfortable in my own skin and, more importantly, am becoming more comfortable inside my own head. I don’t need to shred anyone to make me feel better about myself. I can only worry about me and my own actions. And, along the way, make sure that my family is also taken care of.
Some dude felt the need to absolutely rip my book in an Amazon review. I was kind of pissed at first and I was all set to rip him right back – in a most overblown way. But, after reading his review three, four, 100 times, I realized that he hadn’t even read the book. Not only that – he completely misinterpreted the blog I wrote about G’s dad. I also looked at his other reviews – he rips everything. Dude has far bigger problems than I do. I wish him luck.
After all…who am I to judge? Take that with you, K-Man.