FamilyEducation BlogsSkadaddle Todd Lieman Todd Lieman lives in Marin, California, with his wife, three-year old son and seven-year old dog. He is the author of Go-to-Guides for Guys: ABCs for Expectant Dads. December 22, 2008
Highs, lows and highs againLast week was one of the greatest of my professional career. Truly. The week was one long defining moment. One of those weeks where all the hard work, all of the training, all of the collective disappointments and successes collide to make magic. I’ve had weeks that were like last week, but none that was quite as uplifting; none that made me feel as good about myself, my colleagues…and, yes, even the world. The week was just that good. And then in the midst of the celebrating on Thursday…the phone rang. A friend and one-time mentor had passed away. The high of highs was suddenly confused by the low of lows. All of the elation was sucked from my soul and I was crushed. The events of the week instantly gone…replaced by the agony of death. Frankly, I didn’t know whether to celebrate or cry. The clash of emotions was so confusing. Mike was gone, but just moments earlier, before the phone call… I wanted to scream. I’ve spent the better part of the last few days trying to work it all out. Trying to figure out the lesson. Sure, there’s the obvious thoughts about living every day as though it’s your last. Death has a way of providing a kind of instant clarity and perspective. I’m far too familiar with this. But, for me, there seems to be something deeper in the confusion. For me, Mike’s death will leave something far more lasting, I think. I hope. You see, and I’ve written this before, perspective is incredibly easy to find, but undeniably difficult to keep. Perspective is often like a New Year’s Resolution (blog about this forthcoming). We make these resolutions with the best of intentions, but they are often fleeting. Worse, failing to achieve the resolutions often makes us feel worse than if we had never made them in the first place. Perspective is like that. We’re empowered by our clarity, but it’s often gone as fast as it came…and when we find it again – we’re reminded of our failures to keep it. So, what does Mike’s death leave me with? What is the lasting lesson that I hope to take with me – not just now, but every, single day? Celebrate. Celebrate every day. This is more than some kind of “get busy livin’” kind of thing. I mean this in more than the “live every day/life is short” kind of way. That’s too cliché for a great man like Mike. Especially since he was a sportswriter. Those kinds of “I’m just hoping to take it one game at a time” kind of comments (which is what “life is short” amounts to) don’t honor Mike, his talent, or his impact on so many lives. I remember sitting with Mike in Florida so many years ago. I was lost. Alone. I was working too many hours for far too little reward. I was bitching about one thing or another and he told me to stop. He told me that I had no idea how good I had it. It wasn’t tough love, so much as it was a gentle reminder. And, it wasn’t some holier than thou speech about those less fortunate. Mike was just reminding me to celebrate my achievements. He reminded me to look around. He reminded me to take stock of the good, the bad and the ugly. He reminded me to celebrate it all. He reminded me that lows are needed for highs. It’s a reminder that I’ve forgotten time and time again. Mike’s death has affected me deeply, I think, because I had more or less lost touch with him. We take certain people in our lives for granted, sometimes. We make assumptions about their availability and their roles in our lives. I definitely did that with Mike. He was just always going to be there, or so I thought. When I needed to, I could check in with him. Now, I can’t. It’s a brutal truth that has resulted in four sleepless nights. But, as Monday looms and a new week dawns, it’s time to celebrate the achievements of last week and all the people that helped make it happen. I need to take stock of the year that led up to the events of last week. It wasn’t easy and (insert favorite deity here) knows, the lows…were low. Right now, however, it’s time to celebrate. It’s time to honor those lows and learn from them, as they were every bit as important as the highs in the success. Celebrate. Because that’s how Mike would have wanted it. Rest in peace, brother.
December 18, 2008
Kids at playLast weekend, while waiting for our flight in a nearly empty airport terminal, K-Man and a (I’m guessing) four-year-old girl started playing together. They were running around, playing tag, chasing each other, and for the most part, staying out of people’s way (with the occasional misstep). No surprise, but I really enjoyed watching him engage and interact with his new and fleeting friend. Needless to say, the feeling in the terminal wasn’t necessarily the same. [more]
December 16, 2008
Remember those big problems?Like many of us, I’ve been spending somewhat significant amounts of time unlocking the keys to my past. I’ve reconnected with many old friends from my childhood, high school, college, summer camp and then some. I’m talking, of course, about the magic that is Facebook. [more]
November 28, 2008
It's how you play the gameOne of K-Man’s friends gave him the classic board game Candyland for his birthday. At one time or another, just like reading Goodnight Moon, every kid will play Candyland. It may very well be the ultimate starter game (no dice, no counting, no complicated rules). Needless to say, with so many colors (not to mention a space on the board with an ice cream cone), K-Man LOVES to play Candyland as much as possible. Or rather, he loves it when I play. [more] November 6, 2008
I get by with a little help from my friendsWhile I’m tremendously happy that the election is over (and still tremendously disappointed in my home state), it brought up a world (literally?) of issues, thoughts and (obviously) commentary. And while we were mired in debates (and mudslinging) about war, the economy, healthcare, education and experience, I kept thinking about parenting. I kept thinking about K-Man. What kind of a world is he going to grow up in?
November 4, 2008
Election DayI cannot imagine how many “election day” blogs are being written today, but I also cannot imagine an election that is as important as this one. While I’m certainly happy that K-Man is merely three years old, I do harbor a secret wish that he were just a few years older (maybe for one day only!) and able to understand the huge, historic impact of today’s election. [more] October 24, 2008
Perfect pressureIn my quest to find the “now” in things, I’m discovering that (for me) any anxiety or stress that I feel is often rooted in the (self-appointed?) pressure to be great. The pressure to be perfect. Whether it's the pressure of being the perfect boss, the perfect dad, or even the perfect blogger, this pressure comes internally and, if I think I’ve missed perfection, it manifests itself in ways that may be…let’s just say less than pleasant. [more] October 15, 2008
Outthinking lifeThere are two kinds of people I've always been somewhat jealous of: those who are insanely creative and follow their creative passions - wherever they lead, and those who have the ability to live in "the moment" and enjoy it. Don't mistake this for being drawn to those who live wildly, without boundaries. I simply mean people who are always able to see the forest through the trees. That, however, seems a bit like an oxymoron - after all, how do you keep your eye on the future while concentrating on the now? [more]
October 7, 2008
The Wrecking CrewI haven’t written anything for a week or two. It’s not for lack of content or even opportunity. After all, K-Man is in the midst of potty training and G-d knows, there’s plenty of (pardon the pun) poop to write about during this phase. It’s tough to avoid writing about the kid crapping in the backyard, or proudly declaring that he peed on the floor. Attaboy! For some reason, fun (or funny) as it might be – I just couldn’t quite put “pen to paper” on that. I needed some inspiration. Not just another “look what my kid did” story. I found it last night. [more]
September 28, 2008
Random (not-so-deep) thoughtsNot everything that happens is worthy of an entire post. In fact, most of the time, there are just a series of completely unrelated events and experiences that occur in the typical day (or week?) in a life. They may warrant some commentary, but it might be a bit of a stretch to turn them into one long post. In other words, I’m about to start babbling about all kinds of things. Not sure if any of it will be relevant to actual parenting, but it definitely will describe the things that happen in the “day(s) in a life.” [more]
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