FamilyEducation Blogs

I like reading Aliki’s posts. We have much different experiences, which leads us to having much different perspectives on the “life and times” of parenting. Different perspectives are good things. While I agree with everything she has to say about the amazing benefits of parenting, I still don’t understand why we have to get so defensive about the study in question. (Which, by the way, appears to be rehashing old data – so, it’s not all that valuable, anyway.)

The fact is that parenting brings massive challenges. It causes great anxieties, worries, self-doubts and insecurities that we may or may not have had before the kid. (Sure, we probably had all of these feelings at some level – they are just heightened with parenting.) Let me just put it out there: Parenting can suck.

Does that mean that it always sucks? Certainly not. Does that mean that we’re bad parents if we complain about it from time to time? Nope. Does that mean we wouldn’t want it any other way? No. It just means that the parents who participated in the study probably answered the questions as honestly as possible. And, that they felt parenting made them feel depressed.

I love my kid. As Aliki points out for herself (and we all agree), we couldn’t imagine our lives any other way. But, I’m not too ashamed or scared to admit that there are times that the challenge of raising him feels overwhelming. I can cop to an occasional thought of life “as I knew it.” Do I miss long Sundays in bed with bad movies and no thoughts of responsibility? I sure do. Are there times that I fantasize about how great it would be to just “go somewhere” without giving an ounce of thought to the now sometimes seemingly insurmountable logistics to making that happen? Hell yes.

But, does that make me a bad parent? Does that make me love my kid any less? No. It makes me real. In my own circle of friends – this is the popular opinion: Having kids is the greatest thing in the world and the most confounding. So, yeah…at times…there are even feelings of depression.

I think the days of touchy-feely “everything about parenting is great” are over. Our lives are too complicated for that to be the case. I struggle every single day with any number of challenges to make sure that K-Man is present and accounted for. I struggle to make sure that bills are paid and that the roof overhead doesn’t leak. I struggle with the responsibility of getting K up for school and picking him up each day. I struggle with the “Groundhog Day”-like treadmill that we’re on.

Granted, not every day is exactly the same and that’s what makes things great. That extra smile. The extra laugh. K looked at me yesterday and said, “Daddy, I happy. You happy too.” I loved that. I needed that. Whatever look I had in my eyes that made him say that was instantly gone. And, I was happy. Truly. Happy that he was in my life. Happy that I’m a card-carrying member of Club Parent (and specifically, Club Dad). I was as thrilled as he was that he discovered some new “trick” that he could do, “Did you see this?!?!” Was I depressed then? Not at all.

Aliki is dead-on. I do have newfound courage, stamina and strength, love and patience. But, I also have a newfound undeniable pressure that I had never felt before becoming a dad. And, at times, the bad of those pressures trumps the good of everything else. It can certainly be depressing. Definitely stressful. I can admit that.

So, I do get it. And, I don’t think that there’s any reason to battle against the findings. (Besides, one thing we should ALL know as parents is that there is “a study” to prove every point of view. Somewhere out there is a study that probably “proves” that teaching kids to drive at age three is helpful with their hand-eye coordination and such kids have a better chance to grow up with lower car insurance premiums.)

We love being parents and we wouldn’t want it any other way. (But, it’s okay to admit that it can suck.)

Every year around this time, some company or organization sends out a press release (in print, radio, Web and TV) describing the “market value” of stay-at-home Moms. The release concludes that “after significant research” (which is really simply adding the average national salaries of bus driver, nurse, office manager, chef, teacher and so on) that the Chief Mom Officer position is worth somewhere around $130–150K. It’s also one of the biggest non-stories produced each year, and I have no choice but to roll my eyes and yawn whenever I see it. [more]

I just finished a meeting and I have another in a couple of hours. Both are closer to my house than my office. As a result, I now find myself sitting in my living room, sprawled on the couch, laptop ensconced where it belongs (on said lap), dog sitting at my feet and…that’s it. Nobody is home. Just the dog and me.

From time to time there are few things as sweet as being home alone. I’m not talking about the kid(s) being asleep and the spouse out. There are still potential responsibilities in that scenario. I’m talking about being home…alone. The silence is golden. [more]

There are those extra “parental moments” that remind us that we’re parents. They might be something as simple as reading stories at bedtime, helping get dressed, changing diapers, or someday helping with the homework. But, perhaps nothing provides more of the “parenting rush” and test of our instincts than caring for a sick kid. [more]

I turned 40 a couple of months ago, and while it remains debatable as to whether I’m engrossed and tangled in any sort of midlife crisis, one thing remains undeniably clear – I need to get a physical. I want to be around for a whole lotta years, so I can watch K-Man celebrate major milestones and experience “those moments.” And, in order to make sure that happens…a call to Dr. Jellyfingers must be made. [more]